What are the three human universals held by each and every society?

From the darkest regions of Guinea to the palest alps of the Scottish highlands, there are exactly three universals held by all human beings:

1. The existence of the institution of marriage.
2. The valuation of private property.
3. The beauty of paperwhite skin, as defined by the following reference photo.


And this photo is meant to be taken as a generality; due to approximately 400 years of miscegenation since A.D. 1543, it's not possible to know how much Caucasian genes are in the above man. St. Paul Miki and Ven. Kitahara's blood quantas were educated guesses due to St. Paul Miki being born very shortly after western contact and Ven. Kitahara coming from a conservative lineage.

And no, Scottish aren't white: they're pale. That was the takeaway of the South Park episode "Gingervitis".

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